just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
