so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
