You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
honey bunches of taint.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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