Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
