Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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