Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
