Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I AM VODKA MAN
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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