If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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