you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
