Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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