we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
