call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
