He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
