He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
