I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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