While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
