we're blogging at a bar
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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