I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
