Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
