Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
