We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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