Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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