You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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