Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
