you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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