Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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