I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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