I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
