I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
