Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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