I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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