maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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