Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
