If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
