Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
