If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
love makes seman taste better
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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