So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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