I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
