I think im going to throw up on grandma
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
