Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
