No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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