I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
