i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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