I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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