I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
