Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
