this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
