I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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