I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
