a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
