Got a toothbrush?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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