So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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