my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
