I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
