shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Boobs speak an international language.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
