does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
