I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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