Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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