Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
