Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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