By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
