Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
